Whirlwind of Emotions

When we woke up on Monday morning Olivia had a fever and was just not feeling well. I called the Doctor and they wanted to see her. I took her in and our doctor told me to watch for the redness to spread and if it did, she would have to go to the hospital. When Kenney got home at 5 o'clock I had him take her in to ask the doctor's opinion, he immediately called the hospital and reserved a room for her.We found out that the wound hadn't been cleaned out enough before it was taped up... so it was trapping in the infection. They removed the strips and it started to drain right away. She was a trooper and was mostly patient with the doctors and nurses. When she would get and at them, she was very adamant about what she wanted. By saying things like, "Stop doing this now." Or, "You guys need to stop touching me." And, "Now, that's enough of this." This was Olivia's first overnight hospital stay and she was a champ. Grandma and Grandpa Lyon, Aunt Heather, Aunt Charlotte and cousin Madison sent her a balloon and a little doll. It was the only half smile we saw from her the whole visit! She could only half smile because the bad side of her face was so tight, it wouldn't move.
We were in the children's hospital, so they had toys to play with. Kenney was thankful for the video games. He spent the night with Olivia so I could go home and get Hailey off to school.
Chris and Aubree moved to Chicago just a few weeks ago right after they got married. Chris is a pilot and had a few days off. Since Aubree doesn't have a job yet...they decided to come over to visit. They flew in on Monday afternoon. And I am certain in my mind there was a reason they came. They planned on coming even before all the craziness happened. We were able to take Olivia to the hospital and not worry a split second about Hailey. Had they not come into town... I'm not sure what I would have done. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. While they have been able to see a few of the cool things this city has to offer, they have been my angels. Maybe they used their angel wings to fly over. Thanks guys for letting me feel comfort while you stayed with Hailey. I love you both. We are home now and Olivia is doing so much better. We have an appointment with a plastic surgeon on Monday. He just want to keep a close eye on her to make sure the scaring won't be too bed. I am so thankful for modern medicine and good doctors.

Now I am left sitting here not really knowing how to deal with the emotions going on inside my head and heart. I have to be strong for my girls and try to hold myself together for my family... but I'm not doing a good job of that. Kenney is so solid and I am so fragile! We make a good team. He suggested trying to write my feelings down. So bear with me while I try to get a little of it out..

To Rosco. I am so mad at you. But while I am so mad... I still miss you. I keep hearing your little toenails on the wood floor sprinting to jump up on the bed. I have had to pick up more dropped food on the floor in the 2 days than I have had to in the past 7 years. Every time I go outside, I think I should call you to come outside with me to go potty. I wanted to grab your leash so you could come get Hailey at the bus stop. I think about the times you watched over the girls when they were babies. You always protected them. One time Hailey was crying up in her room (she was only a few weeks old) and I fell asleep on the couch. You came and scratched at me feet to wake me up. Every time I was in the kitchen you stood at my feet hoping I would drop you a bite. I threw a piece of chicken the other night by habit, and I had to bend over to pick it up, because you were not there. I think of how tolerant of the girls you were. You were the third set of hands to play ring-around-the-rosies because you can't make a circle with only 2 people. You danced and played. You wore tu-tu's and Olivia loved you most. She always wanted you around. I am sorry we put you on the airplane. I think it freaked you out too much. You were getting sick and we didn't know what to do to take care of you. I get so angry every time I look at my little baby's face. You made her look so bad. I know she will get better. I am so thankful for that. But I look at her and the image of you just biting down on her little cheek is my biggest nightmare right now. I couldn't say goodbye to you. I was so mad I didn't want to look at you. I know this could have been lot worse. So I'm thankful it was only as bad as it is. You are the only dog we will ever have. I could never get another dog. I am just sorry this all had to happen. I am sorry you freaked out. But I still loved you.